This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
