i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
