Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
