What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
