my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
