just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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