i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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