If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize