Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He better not be in your backpack
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
