so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
