dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
