I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
