the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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