my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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