My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
