i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
