so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
