I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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