Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
a search helicopter?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
