It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
