she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
