Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
