my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
