i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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