there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
why do cheetos always look like penises
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize