please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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