I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can I color on your dick again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
