I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
