I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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