If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
