Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
