actually, I'm a sock model
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
