its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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