I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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