We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
