How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Boobs speak an international language.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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