My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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