when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
