did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
