My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
