i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize