Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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