A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
