she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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