I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
