i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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