Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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