It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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