She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
