I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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