just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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