walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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