if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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