K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
