currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
