Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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