Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize