im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
please come you make the beer taste better
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
