My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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