Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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