i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize