all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
