im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
