Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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