ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
