Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
