I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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