she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
