It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
