I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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