i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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