if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
